How to Curve Someone

Photo Illustration by Nicole Pierick

We’ve all been there. We start talking to someone and a couple of minutes, hours, days, weeks (WHATEVER) later, we lose interest. They say or do something wrong, and all interest that we had is just lost. Now, let’s get something straight: The curving period is a short period. I don’t want y’all to think I’m promoting leading someone on because if you do that: YOU ARE A MEAN, HEARTLESS PERSON. Curving someone may be pretty mean as well; shoot, maybe I’m mean. OK, ANYWAYS, hear me out: I may be able to help you escape an uncomfortable situation.

    So what the hell is curving someone, anyway? Don’t ask your mom -- she doesn’t know the answer; that’s what I’m for. According to Urban Dictionary (Webster is trash anyways), curving is “to deny/reject an individual's expression of interest (in a direct or indirect way).” There are a couple of ways to go about this.

The first is the nice, direct way. Here are a couple ways to do this:

1. “Listen, I am just not really into you. I am really sorry. I know you will find someone really amazing. You deserve that, it’s just not me.”

2. “You’re really great, I’m just not ready for a relationship.”

3. “I’m sorry, but I’m just not feeling it.”

Those are all gold. They make the other person have a clear understanding of where you guys stand and they will probably not continue to blow up your phone with texts, snaps or calls.

    Alright, let’s get into an indirect way to go about this. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, and you’re scared to do so by being direct. However, I would advise you to be direct, as I have found it to be the quick and easy way (like ripping off a Band-Aid). But that’s not for everyone so, if you’re indirect or just like the attention (because you’re annoying and needy) here are a couple ways for you:

1. “Lol maybe.”

2. “I’m just really busy, but hopefully we can hang out soon.”

3. “My mom said no.”

I would call those people the mild-jerks. Now, let’s see what I have in my bag of tricks for the full-blown-jerks. These would be for the people who are so completely uninterested that they can’t hold back their word vomit. The person that is in their phone is so utterly annoying and disgusting that you have genuinely considered setting your phone on fire to escape this situation. They may have said or done something so ridiculous that you’re “mad MAD” and you’re going to let them know. Here are a couple of ways that you can curve if you fit this description:

1. “You’re tacky and I hate you; stop talking to me.”

2. “Lose my number.”

3. “You’re literally the most uneducated and annoying person I know. Don’t text me again.”

Yikes. Hopefully you’re not that mean, or come across someone that mean, that’s just BRUTAL. Anyways, we have gotten through all the ways to curve someone and if none of these have helped you, I have one final trick for you. Ghost ‘em. Yep. Just drop off the face off the earth until they get the hint. Never done this? Let me tell you how:

• Step 1. Turn off your read receipts. This doesn’t allow them to know if or when you’re
    reading their messages.

• Step 2. Turn off your snap map location. Do not let them know you’re active on the app
    and just ignoring them.

• Step 3. Block them from viewing your story. If you block them in general, they will
    know and that ruins the whole “ghosting” thing you’re attempting to pull off.

• Step 4. Under no circumstances, do you reply to or open anything they send. Snaps,
    DM’s, texts, phone calls, etc. It’s called GHOSTING people!!!

• Step 5. Stay lowkey on social media. Let them know you’re kind of ignoring them, but
    don’t be too obvious by over-posting on social media.

Woohoo!! Now you all know how to curve someone. As I mentioned earlier, the curving period is a short period and you need to decide quickly if you’re going to curve them or not. If you can’t tell right away, you’re going to need to be honest with your feelings. Let them know you’re unsure of what is going to come of you talking. Although everyone is going to have a different way of going about things, be fair to others. Don’t lead them on and play with feelings if you can avoid it.

But if you don’t want to listen and be a jerk to people, I have given you a few ways to curve them. Good luck out there!! Valentine’s Day is coming up ya know, and if you end up curving everyone, you may find yourself at Walmart on February 15 buying those half-priced chocolate hearts.