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If you ask me: No shave November? No sir.

On December 2, 2010

I don't like body hair. I just don't. It freaks me out. I can't explain it, I just don't like it.

If someone, anyone has more body hair than my mind recognizes as normal and acceptable I am not a fan. So this No Shave November stuff? Do not want. Return to sender. The Kid is not dealing with this mess. No sir.

I make allowances for men. They're supposed to have more hair than me because that's how we can tell the difference. BUT you're trying to tell me that you're not going to shave for an entire month and I'm just supposed to be cool with you walking around all scraggly?

The men who look good with facial hair only look good because they maintain it. If you don't trim it you look like a mountain man. Or worse a bum. I am not interested in either of those men.

But past my sarcastic remarks about the homeless and hermits here is the real deal: its just uncomfortable. Hair, especially man hair is coarse and scratchy. Skin, especially a woman's skin is the opposite. Its oil and water. Or wire brush and…silk pillow case. And for a person like me who is freaked out by excess hair I can't deal with the texture of foliage across my cheek.

I know, I know, it's just hair and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter. No Shave November is in theory a very cute idea. But let's just turn the tables. If women all collectively decided to refrain from shaving, waxing, plucking, threading…scraping whatever it is that they do to make themselves look the way that they're "supposed" to look, how would men react?

It wouldn't be so cool then would it? They'd be upset. And some of them would be horrified to find out how their girl really looks. When they end up lying in bed rubbing against hairy legs…don't say I didn't warn you.

Talk all you want about how it's hot. I agree that it is on some people. Some guys can pull off the scruffy look as rugged and steamy. Some others, most others miss the mark. That's no ones fault. Everything is not for everyone.

So it's selfish of men to walk around for an entire month after skipping a whole step in their morning routine. What's next? No Shower September?

Women are expected to be skilled and knowledgeable in razors and waxes, threading and lasers. All men are asked to do it clean up their face. That's it. Spare me the talk about ticklers and flavor savers.

That's just…1) if you need accessories you're probably doing it wrong on a fundamental level; 2) why do you need to "save" any sort of flavor? That's creepy AND lazy. Stop trying to hold on to it and just…have another helping or something.

So to sum it all up: while I respect a man's right to No Shave November I respect my right to comfort more. One too many days with a shave or a line up will turn no shave into No…well another "s" word November for me. No sir.

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