Preparation for adulthood is complex, tricky

Alright, I'll admit it - I'm growing up.

In less than a month, I'll walk across a stage, snag an $80,000 diploma, and step into the real world - as a grown up.

I've already started making grown up decisions.

Like finding a job. And buying a house.

But for some reason, it just doesn't feel right. For some reason, I don't think I'm ready to be a grown up just yet.

My dad still calls me every day (sometimes twice) just to check on me, to see if I'm alive and doing OK. He's been doing that since my freshman year of college. My mom still sends me back to school with food - cookies, usually, sometimes candy.

I think she cooks more for me now than she did when I lived at home full time.

And whenever I have a problem - a flat tire, a speeding ticket, a bad day - I still phone home and expect my parents to fix it, even though they are 150 miles away.

I still haven't figured out that reds, blues and oranges don't mix well with whites. Or that my debit card actually does have a limit.

Honestly, I'm still just a kid - a big kid. really.

A big kid with a student loan and a house payment.

A big kid with a subpar rusty-red car that could break down at any minute and strap me with a car payment I can't make.

A big kid with a brand new refrigerator and a never-been-used vacuum just waiting for me to plug it in.

A big kid with a three bedroom house and nothing to fill it with.

A big kid with a lot of fears and doubts and questions and insecurities.

A big kid with a lot of unanswered prayers and frustrations.

Sure, my college degree prepared me for a lot - for a career, for goals and hopes and dreams.

My college degree prepared me for success and happiness.

But it never prepared me for the first step, for the most difficult step.

My college degree never showed me how to take big kids and instantly mold them into adults.

My college degree taught me that I need to grow up.

But it never taught me how to grow up. It never taught me how to let go of the college lifestyle - the friends, the memories, the fun.

It never taught me how to go from term papers and exams to 9-5 jobs, mortgage payments and bills.

My college degree helped me grow up, but it didn't make me into a grown up.

And maybe that's not a bad thing.