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Jurski: How much a person shares should not reflect their personality

By Danielle Jurski
On April 13, 2010

I like a little mystery in life. I think it's intriguing.

I tend to get really overwhelmed when I meet someone and they share too much information with me right away. I feel like a friendship, or a relationship should be built off of a balance between two people trusting each other.

But I know that's not always the case.

Upon meeting me, I won't share too much about my personal life. And honestly, I wouldn't be offended if someone acted the same way. In fact, I also find that intriguing.

Recently, I've been told that not sharing details about myself makes me seem vague, and can turn into a trust issue. I still stand my ground though; I believe there's nothing wrong with withholding information. Because I also believe that if someone truly wants you in their life, they'll make you feel comfortable.

Then that wall you've built up will slowly come down.

If details are shared too soon, where is this wall? Coming on too strong in a friendship or relationship isn't good for either party involved.

But how does a person really have a trust issue? Trust is relying, believing and having faith in something. I rely on my car getting me from point a to point b every time I drive it. I believe the best in people, and have faith that if they look like they're listening, they truly care.

I trust that the walls in each building I walk into won't crumble over me. However, I suppose trusting in people and trusting in objects is different. My car will always be there, and those buildings won't change. But people come and go, and people do change.

I don't think personal details should be shared via campus wide e-mails. Sometimes I think these ‘personal issues' can blur the line between what you tell strangers (the student body) and what you tell your friends (those people you trust.)

But maybe I'm just over thinking it. I know not everyone is like me, and I understand the other side to this.

Sometimes I feel when people tell me details about their lives within the first week (even month) of meeting me, that I should be flattered. Obviously, that person wants to share these things with me, and I must mean something to them.

And don't get me wrong, sometimes I do meet people that know things about my life that have taken me months to share with other people. I would say it's all about timing, but I know that would be a lie.

I think it's a comfort thing. I think it's about a person accepting you for who you are, and most importantly--I believe it's me telling you something and the ‘hey, I trust you' moment afterwards.

I feel the wall will always be there for me, though. But if someone wants to share their life story with me within the first 15 minutes of meeting me, send me a campus wide e-mail about their ‘personal problem,' or overshare in another way--then that's their decision.

I will still stand by the fact that if someone wants to walk out of my life because I don't share enough, then that's their perrogative. But I believe that the people that stick around and let me share things on my own time are the ones that I want most in my life.

I don't need a Facebook to share details about my personal life. I don't need to send out a campus wide e-mail, and I probably won't tell you much about me if I just met you.

But I do like to listen, and I do care. That doesn't mean it can't be a mystery.

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