How to handle losing friends

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I would love to be optimistic and say that friendships last forever, but there are times that’s just not the case. Friendships fall apart, though not necessarily in a bad way. Interests shift, people grow and things just change; it’s a natural part of life and not really something anybody can change. 

Adapting to losing a friend can be difficult, no matter how the friendship came to a close. There are certain things that can be done once a friendship has ended that can help make the change a little bit easier, even if things aren’t easy right now. 

Do what you can to remember the positive things from the friendship; while the positives can’t make the friendship come back, it can improve your own mental health. When focusing on the negative side of things, you are more likely to slip into a state of sadness that can make things worse. Thinking about the positives can reinforce positivity in you and keep you out of a situational depression. 

Plan ahead to keep yourself out of a funk; if you know that you will be susceptible to being emotionally down because of the whole situation, try to make some plans with some other friends that can help you. Spending time with others can help keep your mind off of things and keep you from overthinking anything. 

Remember that it is OK to be sad; friendships come to an end, relationships come to an end, it’s a natural part of life. It’s also something that people get sad about. Some people bottle up their emotions and keep their feelings to themselves, but it is OK to feel emotions. Emotions are normal: happiness, sadness, anger -- it’s all there and it’s all supposed to be there. Don’t apologize for something that makes you sad, just let it out and know that it is going to be fine in the end. 

However, sometimes friendships come to an end because something bad did happen. That’s OK, too. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows, and not everything has to be. People fight, they say things that they shouldn’t and people disagree over serious and unforgivable things. It happens, just like everything else, and there are ways to come to terms with that, as well. 

Avoid any more confrontation/hostility than what has already happened; people yell and say things that they don’t mean, and it happens on both sides of the argument. While avoiding situations isn’t always the best coping mechanism, it can de-escalate the situation and possibly prevent it from getting any worse. 

Try not to say things about them behind their back; backstabbing and talking about people behind their backs has become all too common in today’s world. When something happens between two people, the usual response is along the lines of, “Yeah, they suck.” But starting with that can lead to a lot more; talking bad about people has almost no benefit for the person actually doing the talking and can hurt the person that is being talked about. There is also no point in talking about someone who is no longer a part of your life if things ended in a negative way; remember, try to think of the positives.

Once everything is said and done, do your best to actually avoid seeing the person that you are no longer on good terms with. However, if there is something that you can’t avoid seeing someone you used to be friends with, like class or practice, just remember to be civil and keep a smile on your face; you don’t necessarily have to play nice, but try to avoid being someone that ends up making the situation worse instead of better. You are in control of you and can only control you; don’t forget that. 

Life happens and things change. Don’t let negativity affect you and hold your head up high. People come and go, don’t sweat it.