Opinion: My dog ate my homework...

Photo Illustration by Kylee Weber

It’s 9:05 a.m. on a Monday morning, you sit down in your first class and you’re ready to start the week. The teacher reminds the class about the homework that was due that morning and you suddenly feel that lump in your throat.

“Holy crap, we had homework?!?”

Most people would simply accept the fact that they forgot and take the zero or ask for make up work. Unless you’re like me, then you sit there, remember that instead of doing homework, you decided to do anything except think about school work, because you planned on doing it later, but secretly you were drumming up what lie you could tell.

Here are three examples of excuses that could work on your professors, should they take pity on your excuse (because they know it is one). Ladies and gentlemen, this is the art of excuse making. 

1. Health concerns

This one is the most morally wrong, yet normally most effective. You didn’t do your homework? Oh, well that’s because you went home to see that one cousin who’s been in the hospital. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book: you say you or a family member was sick and if the professor has any heart whatsoever, you’ve got yourself an extension on that homework. It’s a very easy one to pull off, you just have to know what to do; precise body language, know who you’re saying is going to be sick before talking to the professor and be confident. Confidence is key with all of these… puppy dog eyes also work from time to time. 

2. Technology Problems

Advancements in technology have been incredible, however, technology can conveniently not work when needed. This is by far the hardest one to pull off, but if you can pull it off, then props to ya. Confidence must be at an all time high: stand tall, look the professor in the eye and keep it simple. When attempting this one, you must use the “ma’am” or “sir.” Always. “Sir, the assignment was finished but did not save due to my WiFi.” Then you leave it there, call it quits and whatever happens, happens. Saying your computer died doesn’t work very often so connectivity issues are always the move. 

3. I left it at home

This was the move back in middle school. Today in college? A big hit or miss. “You should be responsible, you are an adult now.” Yes, that will normally be the response you get, but be persistent. Do not let the professor dictate this conversation or else you’re on a downhill slope to a zero. Make sure you slide in how hard you worked on it and how upset you are that you forgot it. Apologize at least twice and if granted extra time to bring it in, be sure to say thank you abundantly. You do these things correctly and you will be delighted in the results you get, but more importantly, your professor will see this as a building block in your student to teacher relationship (but using it too much can damage this same relationship). 

Don’t forget: these people that you’re telling your sob story to have heard every single excuse you could possibly think of; most of the time, they know you’re lying. Excuses are hard to come by, but from time to time, the last-second Hail Mary is necessary to secure the grade. These are three ways that can put you on the fast track to getting that paper in late and still getting the credit for it, but don’t forget that using these excuses could do more harm than good.