How to Talk to Short People

Photo by: Ashley Alonzo

Let’s face it: Even the name of this piece sounds bizarre! But there is in fact a way to talk to short people. Here are six tips on how to do it.

1. How to introduce yourself

First of all, when a person introduces him or herself to a short person, do not, I repeat, do not start a conversation with “OMG you are so short, just like my 10-year-old sister.” This gives “shorties” the opportunity to become insulted and say things like, “OMG you are so tall, just like a lamp. Is there anywhere I can pull so I can turn the light on? Oh never mind you are not as bright anyways.”

2. Don’t make assumptions

It is not nice to assume that short people perform certain tasks because they are short. Simply ask before saying things like, “Oh so you play soccer and not basketball because you are short right?” or “If you play basketball, you are point guard because you are short, right?” NO! Whether a person is short or not has nothing to do with what sport they chose to play or their position in that sport.

3. Quit reminding short people of how short they are

If I had a dollar for every time someone calls me or reminds me that I am short, I would probably have enough money to pay for half of my college tuition.

4. Don’t call short people names

Mini-Me, Oompa Loompa, fun size, half pint, midget, arm rest, and a million other names are not appreciated, so don’t get offended when a shorty begins to retaliate and the nicknames become offensive.

5.  Don’t you dare bring your face down

Tall individuals think it is funny to get at face level with short people when talking to them. But this just allows for the opportunity to get slapped or punched in the face for trying to be funny.

6. Satires are not funny

Making fun of short people is insulting. Yes, short people climb on counter tops and shelves to reach stuff. But it’s not funny to call them “monkeys climbing for bananas.” Instead of picking on them, why don’t tall individuals try and help a “shorty” out with their lengthy arms and reach for the stuff they can’t.

So there you have it, simply respect one another. Short people are humans just like tall people. However, if you choose to ignore these tips then be prepared for the roasting session brought to you by the “shorties.”